When God Feels Distant and Your Bible Feels Heavy
“I can’t open my Bible anymore.”
She didn’t say it angrily.
She said it exhausted.
Like someone who had prayed and watched things fall apart anyway.
I’ve heard those words more than once.
From the woman whose husband left — and whose church felt distant afterward.
From the woman who buried babies she never got to watch grow.
From the woman who survived years of abuse and still wrestles with what it did to her soul.
From the woman whose body has carried more sickness and pain than seems fair.
And if I’m honest, I’ve whispered it in my own heart too.
It’s the quiet ache that comes when you’ve asked, trusted, hoped — and the outcome still broke your heart.
When God Feels Distant After Deep Disappointment
There are seasons when pain keeps stacking.
Slowly, almost without noticing it, God can begin to feel far.
Opening the Bible in that season can feel heavy. Words that once felt alive now feel distant. Prayers feel risky.
After enough disappointment, hope can start to feel dangerous.
So instead of looking up, you turn inward. Because you’re trying to survive your own thoughts.
Sometimes you’re not refusing to seek Him.
You just don’t know how anymore.
And when that happens, our feelings can start speaking louder about who God is than His Word does.
That’s a fragile place to live.
I’ve been there.
Two Women in the Same Light
When I painted this piece, I imagined two women kneeling beneath a stained glass window.
One is turned toward the light.
The other has her back to it, head bowed low, shoulders heavy — just trying to steady herself.
This isn’t a painting about “strong faith” versus “weak faith.”
It’s about perspective under pressure.
There have been seasons when worship came easily to me — when Scripture felt alive and hope felt natural.
And there have been seasons when I felt guarded, unsure, quietly disappointed — when I could barely lift my eyes.
Here’s what I’ve learned slowly:
Even when I turned away, His light was still there.
Even when I felt uncertain, He did not become less true.
Pain can distort how we see Him.
It can narrow our vision.
It can make us feel trapped in shadows.
But it does not get to redefine who God is.
And it does not get the final word.
Why the Cross Matters When God Seems Silent
This is where the Cross anchors us.
The Cross is not proof that we won’t suffer.
It’s proof that God stepped into suffering.
Betrayed.
Abandoned.
Crushed.
Jesus Himself cried,
“My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” (Psalm 22; Matthew 27:46)
Those words weren’t weakness. But a love so strong it steps into anguish — and carries it all the way to hope and vindication.
He knows what suffering feels like.
He knows what it feels like to pray and not immediately see relief.
He knows what it feels like to be misunderstood, rejected, overwhelmed.
So if you are struggling to read the Bible right now — not because you don’t believe it, but because it feels too heavy — hear this:
The One on that Cross is not shocked by your fear.
He is not offended by your exhaustion.
He is not irritated by your questions.
He came for people who cannot hold it together.
In Christ, God Is For You
Look at what Christ did — God is for you, not against you.
The Cross is the clearest declaration of God’s posture toward you.
When disappointment whispers, “Maybe He isn’t good,”
the Cross answers, “Look again.”
When pain says, “He’s distant,”
the Cross says, “I stepped in.”
When your feelings say, “This is the end,”
the resurrection says, “It is not.”
If Scripture Feels Heavy Right Now
If you feel like the woman with her back to the window, I’m not here to push you.
But I will tell you the truth.
The Light is still there.
And when you are ready — even if it’s just a few degrees of turning — you won’t meet a Judge rolling His eyes at your weakness.
You will meet a Savior who is ready to carry what you can’t.
You can start small.
Not with a reading plan.
Not with a performance.
With honesty.
“God, I don’t know how to look up right now. But if You’re there, help me.”
He is not intimidated by that prayer.
He has already proven His heart at the Cross.
And because of what Christ has done for you, this season — no matter how heavy — will not be the end of your story.
About the Author
Joy Gonzales is a Christian artist and the founder of Made Seen, where she creates modern Christian art that helps people remember what’s true—right in the middle of real life. You can find her work and writings at Made Seen, and follow along on Instagram at @madeseenart.
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