Why Control Feels Necessary — and Why It Quietly Wears Us Down
Control often looks responsible.
We plan ahead.
We think through outcomes.
We prepare for what might go wrong.
Especially at the start of a new year, control can feel like wisdom. Like maturity. Like good stewardship.
But many of us feel the cost of it quietly.
Tight shoulders.
A restless mind.
The sense that we can’t fully relax because something might slip.
I’ve learned that exhaustion often shows up not because we’re doing too much —
but because we’re trying to carry things we were never meant to manage.
Why Control Feels Like the Right Thing to Do
Control promises safety.
If I think it through enough…
If I plan carefully enough…
If I stay alert…
Then maybe nothing will fall apart.
For Christians, control can even sound faithful:
- I’m being responsible.
- I’m preparing wisely.
- I’m not being careless.
But Scripture draws an important distinction between faithful preparation and self-reliance.
Wisdom prepares.
Control tries to guarantee.
And that difference matters.
The Hidden Cost of Control
Control doesn’t usually announce itself as pride.
It shows up as:
- constant mental rehearsing
- difficulty resting
- anxiety when plans change
- guilt when things feel unfinished
Control keeps the mind busy even when the body stops.
And over time, it quietly wears us down.
Jesus speaks directly to this when He says:
“Which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?”
(Matthew 6:27)
That question isn’t meant to shame us.
It’s meant to tell the truth.
Anxiety feels productive — but it produces nothing but fatigue.
Control and Anxiety Are Closely Related
Anxiety often grows where responsibility has expanded too far.
Not because we don’t trust God at all —
but because we trust Him and keep trying to manage the outcome ourselves.
We pray, but we also rehearse.
We surrender, but we also stay on guard.
Scripture doesn’t deny that life is uncertain.
It tells us who is responsible for holding it together.
“Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.”
(1 Peter 5:7)
Casting is an action.
It means releasing something from your hands — not just naming it.
What God Actually Asks of Us
God does not ask us to predict the year.
He asks us to be faithful in what’s in front of us.
That’s it.
“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”
(Proverbs 16:9)
Planning is allowed.
Establishing outcomes is not our role.
When we confuse the two, control creeps in — and peace leaves quietly.
A Simple Way to Notice When Control Has Taken Over
Here’s a question I’ve learned to ask myself, especially when anxiety rises:
Am I being faithful — or am I trying to make sure this works?
Faithfulness shows up.
Control tightens its grip.
Faithfulness does today’s work.
Control worries about tomorrow’s result.
That question often tells the truth faster than long reflection.
What Letting Go of Control Actually Looks Like
Letting go of control does not mean:
- being passive
- ignoring responsibilities
- pretending outcomes don’t matter
It means doing your part — and stopping there.
Here’s a grounded practice you can return to when anxiety spikes.
A Practice for Releasing Control
1. Name what you’re trying to manage
Be specific:
- someone else’s response
- an outcome you can’t ensure
- timing you can’t control
2. Name what is actually yours to do today
One action.
One step of obedience.
No future guarantees.
3. Pray this simply
“God, I will be faithful in what You’ve given me today.
I release what I cannot control.
I trust You with what comes next.”
And then stop rehearsing.
Not because everything is solved —
but because the responsibility has been placed where it belongs.
Why This Matters at the Start of a New Year
January often magnifies anxiety.
The year feels open.
The unknowns feel loud.
The pressure to “set things up right” is real.
But control will not make the year safer.
It will only make you tired.
Trust does not remove uncertainty —
but it removes the need to carry it alone.
Trusting God with the outcome does not mean God owes us a smooth year.
It means we trust Him even when obedience leads into uncertainty or hardship.
A Word for the Days Ahead
If you feel worn down before the year has even begun, ask gently:
What am I trying to control that God never asked me to carry?
Lay that down.
Not all at once.
Not perfectly.
But honestly.
Faithfulness is enough for today.
If you’re looking for a gentler way to begin the year without pressure or performance, you may want to read this reflection on starting the year with God without trying to hold everything together.
Glory to the One from whom all beauty flows.
About the Author
Joy is an artist and the founder of Made Seen. She creates and writes to reflect on faith, ordinary faithfulness, and trusting God in real life. You’re welcome to browse the her faith-filled art collection on Made Seen website.
