My Testimony: From Empty Achievement to Eternal Hope

January 2, 2026

Growing up Atheist

I grew up in the countryside of China and was raised in an atheist home where achievement and success were held up as the highest purpose.

By the time I reached college, I was striving relentlessly to meet my family’s and culture’s expectations. Every good grade, every milestone brought a brief sense of relief—but it never lasted. I was stuck in a vicious circle: the more I tried to prove my worth, the emptier I felt.

On the outside, it looked like I was doing everything “right,” but inside I was exhausted and hopeless.

When my mom was diagnosed with cancer, the weight of grief, fear, and depression pressed in. I had wrestled with questions about meaning before, but this was the first time I allowed myself to take them seriously.

Christian artist Joy Gonzales in her studio

Tried to Save Myself — Until It Broke Me

As I dug deeper, I began to see the truth: everything I had been taught to chase, and everything I had been striving for, was fleeting. The endless pursuit of success, approval, and control was nothing more than toil in the dust. I realized no amount of effort could save me from the emptiness I carried.

In desperation, I turned inward.

I thought maybe more discipline, more self-control, more effort could save me. I dove into philosophy, hoping that one of the great thinkers could give me an answer that would make sense of life.

But the more I searched, the more I realized that none of it gave lasting hope. All my efforts only revealed the truth: deep down, I was hopeless on my own—full of pride, selfishness, and brokenness I couldn’t fix. The harder I tried, the more I despised myself.

It Finally Clicked!

It was there, in my brokenness, that I first heard the Gospel.

A missionary shared with me about Jesus—the One who saw me exactly as I was, in all my pride and despair, and still chose to die for me.

For the first time I realized: my brokenness does not define me.

My success or failure to meet expectations does not define me. The many standards my parents set for me do not define me. - Jesus does.

The First time I knew what "Freedom" tastes like

For the first time, I know I am wonderfully and fearfully made, deeply loved, and fully redeemed.

He took all my sin, all my striving, all my self-hatred, and nailed it to the cross.

My worth was no longer something I had to earn or cling to—it was a gift, secured forever by His sacrifice.

Once I knew who I was in Him, I was free—free from the slavery of worldly standards, free from the endless pursuit of approval, free from the crushing need to prove myself.

Life was no longer meaningless striving; it was filled with purpose.

From That Day On

From that day on, I decided that everything I do would be for the glory of God.

My heart’s desire is to point others to Him—so that they too can experience freedom, true love, and the eternal hope only Jesus gives.

I shared the Gospel with my mom. Even as she battled cancer, I knew that if she passed away, she would be with Jesus—that death was not the end.

The eternal hope I had found in Christ gave me peace that the world could never give. What was once emptiness is now overflowing with gratitude.

And my prayer is that through life, faith, and art, others will see the beauty and truth of the Gospel that forever changed me.

About the Author
Joy Gonzales is the artist and writer behind Made Seen. She creates and writes from lived experience at the intersection of faith, art, and ordinary life, sharing stories shaped by grace, calling, and quiet trust in God. Through both words and artwork, Joy hopes to create space for reflection and gentle return to truth.

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