My Only Two Childhood Photos: Am I Worth Something?

I have only two photographs from my childhood. In both, I’m wearing my best outfits.

This birthday, I’ve been thinking about the little girl in those pictures and how much of her I still carry with me—especially the ways she learned to measure her worth.

So much has changed since then. But learning to receive God’s love has been a slower, deeper journey, and it’s one I’m still on.

A Glimpse into My Childhood

Taking pictures was a luxury when I was growing up in rural China. So was having long hair.

My hair was kept short, and I was dressed like a boy, partly because my father’s family had wanted a boy and partly because long hair and pretty clothes were considered impractical for chores and a distraction from schoolwork.

Life revolved around helping my family get by and working hard in school for a better future.

Am I Worth Something?

I learned to be a good student. I knew where my scores ranked in class and noticed how many stars my teacher gave me compared with everyone else. Those measures of achievement helped answer a question I did not yet know how to ask: Am I worth something?

Outside the classroom, I watched other children play while I tended my family’s goats. I admired the pretty dresses other girls wore and wished I had one of my own.

I understand now how much my family hoped education would make possible for me. But I also remember being a little girl who wanted to play, feel pretty, and know that someone delighted in her.

I do not remember receiving a birthday gift from my father. My mother showed her love in her own ways, and I am grateful for it. Still, I often felt something was missing—a sense that my being here was worth celebrating.

Over time, I learned to give more attention to what I could achieve than to what I needed or enjoyed. Doing well gave me a reason to feel good about myself, though the reassurance rarely lasted. There was always another score or someone doing better.

Perhaps you recognize that feeling, even if your childhood looked very different. You finish something you worked hard on, feel pleased for a moment, and then notice what someone else has accomplished. Suddenly, your own work seems smaller.

The classroom changes as we grow older, but we can carry the way we learned to measure our worth with us.

Welcomed into God’s family

When I came to know Jesus, I began to understand what it meant to receive a love I could never earn.

I had spent years trying to prove myself. But I could not make myself right with God by being a good student or working harder. I needed His forgiveness for my sins.

Jesus died for our sins and rose again. Through faith in Him, I was forgiven and welcomed into God’s family as His daughter.

That began to change how I understood my worth. My place in His family was a gift, and I could trust the love He had shown me in Christ.

I am still learning to live with that assurance. Even now, I sometimes slip back into measuring my worth by how much I accomplish and how I compare with others.

But I can bring those struggles to God—to ask for forgiveness, tell Him where I feel hurt, and learn to trust what He says about me.

Learning to live as His daughter

Today, I am a wife, a mother, and an artist. I create art rooted in Scripture, bringing faith and beauty together in ways I could hardly have imagined as a child.

There is something especially meaningful about getting to offer God the very creativity and love of beauty I once felt I needed to set aside.

I am also learning to enjoy a colorful outfit, take a photograph, and celebrate a birthday without feeling that those desires are unimportant. I can receive these ordinary joys with gratitude while finding my identity in Christ.

Embracing the woman God created me to be also means accepting my limits, using my gifts faithfully, and letting His Word correct the judgments I have made about myself.

His restoration reaches beyond how I feel about myself into how I live, love, and respond to Him. By His Spirit, He is making me more like Christ, as 2 Corinthians 3:18 describes.

“But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.”

— 2 Corinthians 3:18

A birthday reminder

This is a journey I am still on. Comparison comes easily some days, and receiving love can still feel difficult. Yet I belong to Christ through all of it, and He continues His patient work in me.

When I look at those two photographs now, I wish I could tell that little girl how much more there would be to her story. She would grow up, hear the gospel, and come to know the Savior who gave His life for her.

I cannot go back and tell her. But I can remind the woman she has become.

By God’s grace, I am His daughter. And I am learning, day by day, to live as someone deeply loved by Him.

About the Artist

Joy Gonzales is the artist behind Made Seen, creating Scripture-rooted art to shepherd hearts toward truth. Originally from rural China, she now lives in Texas with her husband and two children. Through painting and writing, she shares the hope of the gospel and the ways God meets us in everyday life. 

Explore her artwork at madeseen.com.